Spinning Wheels

Sometimes, I think that routine more than fear of change is what keeps people on the same spinning wheel.

I’ve been thinking about that recently and dug back in the old memory archives for something that would give me a visual of this thought. I finally found the one memory that allowed me to play this out; with what resolution I am not sure, but something must be decided.

Growing up a few of my friends had hamsters and a couple of them had the spinning wheel in the cage. I remember sitting on my friend Hope’s bed watching her hamster Ben running and spinning the wheel and thinking, after I got over the fascination of it, that it looked kind of dull and definitely tiring.

Hope added a few other “fun” things for the hamster to do but after an awful lot of sniffing and running back and forth, Ben would always go back to the spinning wheel. Why? Was it was easy and he didn’t have to learn anything new or maybe because the new “fun” toys really weren’t that much fun? Hope did spend a lot of time trying to get him to try the new things and even took the wheel out of the cage. Ben sat like a lump until the wheel was returned.

Perhaps her rewards system was weak or maybe Ben was just a creature of habit. I do know that there are a lot of “hamsters” aka people out there on the old spinning wheel and I wonder what keeps them there. Is it routine or fear or is routine fear?

It is a question without a clear answer today because I am mulling over my own routines and feeling rather snarly about them at the moment. Why? Because, I have some routines that aren’t leading me anywhere yet I find them comforting. I stood looking out the window, sipping a cup of tea and thinking, “hmmm, this isn’t going anywhere and I think I am wasting time, big time, and that is not good”.

So for today, routine is on my mind and I need to make some hard, fast decisions about these routines because I “fear” they have me on a spinning wheel and I have never liked things that spun.

Whitney

I always say that I am not really interested in what goes on in the lives of celebrities and people that are not in my immediate circle.

Well, Whitney Houston died yesterday afternoon and I had to re-evaluate my thoughts about my interest in people; mainly people who populate our airwaves and screens and how their existence plays an important role in my life.

Reading the thoughts of people posting on Facebook yesterday was enlightening as most offered prayers and expressed sadness at her early demise. Others had harsher commentary and it seemed thought she got what she deserved as a substance abuser.

I am not an avid fan of Whitney; yet I do know her music and have danced to and lustily sang her songs. I have seen and enjoyed all of the movies she has been in and re-watched them on television. I have watched with sadness her descent into the hell that is addiction. I have cheered her on as she gamely tried to fight her way out of that hell. And…I have nodded knowingly as she would fall back into that pit.

I am not here to judge anyone; all of our journeys are individual, private and ultimately what defines us when we leave this crazy splendor called life. Even those who populate the public eye are working out a private journey; it is just one we can see played out on the big and now little screen. We are all watching each other’s private journey play out day to day. It is when we are open to the possibility that some of us will fall and may never get up that we learn tolerance. I cannot berate you for your weaknesses when I possess so many of my own.

Addiction. Fortunately for me, my biggest addiction seems to be the love of a pork chop. I know addiction first hand; growing up with an alcoholic mother and sibling. Addictions ravage not only the people living out that horror but everyone around them, in ways more numerous than I care to expand. Almost everyone I know has someone in their lives: immediate or extended who battle some type of addiction. It is our process, evaluation and determination of it that makes the difference.

The passing of Whitney gave me pause and allowed me to do some introspective work that I needed to do and here is what I have come up with from my midnight musings.

Simply this; Whitney had a beautiful voice and face. She was excellent to look at and to listen to and she made a difference. She made a difference in my life because she made me pause: pause when she was on top of the world and at its underbelly. A gift was shared, perhaps in a way that isn’t immediately clear to all of us looking in at this short span of life. Whitney could have gone underground when her world was unraveling but she stayed where we could see her and perhaps that is the gift she left us; a reminder of what can and cannot be, what should and should not be and what is and was.

Understanding is what is key as we wish her farewell. Understanding of a life lived perhaps not the way we would but one that affected some of us anyway. We pay homage to her by listening to her music and perhaps reliving a memory her melody brings to mind because more than anything Whitney evoked emotion and that is a true testament to life.

I hope that many, many, many years from now when I leave this amazing globe I’m remembered for good things done or said and that the not-so-nice things are either a lesson or reminder to those who care to take a moment to remember me.

Rest in Peace Whitney, may your spirit find a new home that keeps you smiling and singing.

LIONS - GRRRRRR

So I was standing on the train station platform today and found myself casually looking over my shoulder to see if there was perhaps a lion sneaking up behind me. Crazy right? Who thinks about things like that. I do and here is why.

A couple of years ago I watched a movie on tv called "The Happening" with Mark Walhberg. The earth was retaliating for all of the bad things people had been doing to it and strange things were going on with the trees whispering to people to do themselves in and in rather nasty ways. There is a scene, where after what I am sure had to be an inordinate amount of whispering, a man goes into the lion cages at the zoo and tries to pet them. After losing both arms, I think he realized that might not have been the best use of his entrance ticket. Needless to say, the image stayed with me and overnight I developed an unreasonable and all encompassing fear of lions.

Now what do we all think is the likelihood that I will run into a hungry lion on my way in from the supermarket or drycleaners? hmmm I am going to go out on a limb here and say zero. Does that dissipate my fear in any way at all? Nope, not a whit.

What am I going to do with this fear? Nothing. What can I do? It's ridiculous. I know that and you know that, but...sigh.

I had seriously thought about carrying a big rump roast in my bag to use as a diversion. You know, throw it at the lion and then run while they were occupied with munching. But after a careful inner debate, while standing at the butcher's counter in the grocery store, I realized that if I did that I would move into a new kind of crazy. So I carefully backed away from the counter and tried to think of what my other options would be. REALLY!?! Nutjob.

I say this because I was thinking about fears that may stop us from doing the things we want. I don't stay inside because of this insane fear that I have of lions. Good grief, even saying that sounds crazy. But some people might. My thought is that we must do things in spite of being afraid because at the end of it all, our fears are usually ghosts, these transparent whisperers that can hold us in place unless we decide not to listen.

So yes, I will occassionally peek over my shoulder or carry that rump roast, but I am still going outside and maybe just opt to run like the wind. Grrrrrrr

I think I can out run this one!

Passion

Okay, so I really try to live my life with passion. Not always easy because the daily grind of living can really suck you into a mediocre abyss. You know, get up, shower, get dressed, go to work, get coffee, have lunch, play around on the web (sneaky highlight of the day), get your coat, say goodnight, get on the train, head home, make or order in dinner, check Facebook and other various sites, settle cheeks into the corner of the sofa and then go to bed. Whoo Hooo Good Times!! hmmmm I don't think so.

Now of course you may pepper some of these days with shopping at lunchtime, going to the post office (Really?!? I haven't bought a stamp in over a year, but hey its an activity) or if you are really ambitious going to the gym for a lunchtime class (you are ninja, if you do this). Ahh and the best addition is going out after work for cocktails. That really shakes the schedule up. Now if you aren't wise and have one too many, then you wobble home, eat some cereal because oh boy are you starving and must eat something. A trail of Toasty Oats follows you to your bedroom where you pass out on the bed. When you wait up and take a look in the mirror you are confronted with this...

and realize that you just can't hang the way you used to and know that its going to be a long day. So its shower, get dressed, got to work, blah, blah, blah.

I'm not with that and try really hard to introduce something new and exciting and though-provoking into each one of my days or daze (ha ha depends on how you look at it) It must be something I am excited about. A new experience. And that means stepping outside of my comfort zone. I always say I am never bored, although I have been in some boring situations but here is the thing, I will get my coat and leave. Oh well. Sorry. I just don't have the time to waste. If its boring and I stay, there REALLY must be a good reason and the benefit needs to be immediate.

Why am I saying this? Because after the rosiness of a new year starts to fade, it is very easy to fall into the old familiar trappings of what makes up our days. It is safe to stay the same and I don't want to be safe. I want to be scared and thrilled. I want to not know how my day will end. That on my train or bus or cab ride home I am coming from someplace new, that I met new and interesting people and had new conversations. I want to be constantly surprised and I want a lot to think about. I want the excitement of the world to propel me forward on my own personal journey. And it is clear that I have to seek that out and make it happen.

A couple of years ago, well more than a couple, now that I think about it (it is all one long day to me, a good day, but one day) I had a tattoo put on my arm just above my wrist. The tattoo is the Japanese character for Passion. It is a daily reminder to me of how I want to embrace this journey of life.

I was on the train the other day and a young Asian woman (maybe 21 or so) was standing in front of me, I was leaning against the door holding onto the overhead rail, and she was staring at my tattoo, then she looked really closely into my face. Now she had to look up at me, because I am pretty tall, 5'10", and she wasn't. She smiled at me and I smiled back. It's nice to smile. Anyway, when she got off the train, she touched my arm and said, "You will have a happy life". So I said, "Oh, thanks". And she was gone. I felt great after that. Why?! Because a complete stranger took one moment to say the very thing we all want, happiness. It was really a confirmation for me because I am already happy and in her one brief comment, she added to that happiness.

So here it the thing, find your passion and your happiness. Make your life full. Don't expect anyone to do it for you because these two things you must do for yourself. Make this your never ending adventure and your life will be amazing. Start by looking up at the sky everyday and smiling.

Art - The New Black

I went to the Outlaw Group Art Show last night at the White Box on Broome Street. It was mobbed. I had to wait on line for a bit but it was well worth it. You were greeted with a glass of bubbly when you first came into the space and pushed into the crowd. We all know that I love a little bubbly, so I knew I was off to a good start. The artwork is fabulous, created by a number of talented upstart artists, who were in attendance and looking excited and hopeful.

There are a number of things that I am determined to do this year and keeping true to my word and experiencing everything that I can are just two. My friend Paul has art in this show and I said was going and I went. First I stopped in Chinatown to buy fish and meat and ended up with a bag weighing at least 25lbs. Lugging that thing around with the veins bulging out of my neck was not fun but the bubbly did put me in a better frame of mind. Did I mention that I am sadly out of shape and desperately need to exercise? It is on the long list of to-dos.

What I loved about going to this show is the level of excitement that was pulsating all around me. I didn't know anyone and never found Paul but it didn't matter. Everyone was smiling and open-eyed and supportive of the artists that were showing. Here is the thing, I don't have any issues doing things by myself but I know a lot of people do and I guess it can be a little scary venturing out on your own. Trust me when I tell you, that you have nothing to worry about and here is a little secret; when you are on your own, you can completely absorb everything without interference. It can be quite liberating.

On the other hand, hanging out with friends new and old while you enhance your cultural palette is very, very nice too. I have re-started my museum club and dubbed it, The Adventurers Museum Club. Check it out on Facebook and become a member. Look in Docs for how it works. Our first outing is on January 27th and we are going to The Museum of Sex. Whooo Hoooo. http://www.facebook.com/groups/327272357297746

I've already gotten word that people I have never met are coming and they are very excited. Let the adventure begin.

A Good Thing - Year of the Good Deal

Coupons Rock!!
We went to our first brunch of the year at a restaurant called Picket Fences in Ditmas Park. Let me start off by saying that the food is really good. The service on the other hand is really, really SLOOOOOOOOOOW. But since it's a Sunday afternoon and we weren't in a hurry, we just sat back, relaxed and waited. The waiter gave us each two free mimosas because our drinks hadn't arrived by the time our food came. A win-win for us.

I had Eggs Florentine with roasted potatoes. Really good. I had to send it back because I like my eggs poached firm and of course, even though I said firm, they weren't. Yuck. They were perfect second time around.

My boyfriend had the Pulled Pork over Cheese Grits with two Poached Eggs. This dish was so good. I am getting it the next time we go. The pork was tender and the grits creamy. His eggs were poached the proper way. Did I say Yuck? Ewww. Anyhoo, this dish is a winner.

What made this brunch a super winner? My boyfriend checked in on Foursquare and a coupon came up for 50% off the total meal. Whooo Hooo. He gave his phone to the waiter, who scanned in the coupon and deducted it from our bill. We have NEVER had a brunch bill for $15. I like starting the year with good deals under our belts. Oh and we did tip on the original amount of the bill, it is suggested that you do that when using coupons or vouchers at restaurants and makes sense to me.

I've decided that this is "The Year of the Good Deal" and will be on the sharp lookout for good deals at restaurants (Restuarant Week is coming up), clothes, entertainment and travel. I for one am keeping my $2 close to me and yes I will have another mimosa, thank you very much!

So It Begins

Well, Well, Well. So here I am actually typing out my first blog post. I must admit that I have a certain admiration for bloggers. They make it seem so effortless. Swift fingers across the keys and "BLAM", a witty, interesting post that everyone wants to read. Hmmmm

I am sort of working out the kinks in my head about what this blog is really about. It's kind of like life I guess, you peer into the pool, hope there isn't a shark or a school of pirana hiding on the other end and you jump in, ready to swim wildly back to the side if you have to but end up floating lazily in the center until your fingers are shriveled.

I'm never bored but I do find some things boring, if that makes any sense. Perhaps it is because I like a lot of things and am endlessly fascinated by almost everything around me but don't care for endless repetition. I enjoy change and like not knowing from day to day what my agenda will be and what I will be recapping when settling down in bed, checking that last email or Facebook post.

I am super passionate about food, wine and travel. In my next life I am putting in a very serious request for a super fast metabolism. ha ha

Today I think the stand out is dinner. We have decided that we are going meatless two days of the week. "Operation Slim The Hell Down" is in full effect. No dieting, but definitely changing the diet. We are "foodies" and meals absolutely must taste good. I made skillet baked eggs with spinach, yogurt and chili oil. Paired it with quinoa and carmelized onions. Incredibly good. The only downside? No wine. We are cutting out alcohol during the week. Sigh, Sigh, Damn it. Sigh. So I made a faux cocktail of mandarin orange seltzer with a splash of peach ochard juice and a slice of lemon. Actually pretty tasty, would be better with vodka. I'm just saying.